This inner dialogue can either support or sabotage your external communication, depending on the state of your self-relationship.
Imagine this: You’re standing face-to-face with someone, words flowing back and forth. But in your mind, there’s a constant stream of thoughts influencing how you interpret, react, and respond.
Here are some examples—pay attention to see if you can relate to any of them.
Example 1: Receiving feedback at work
Colleague: “I noticed you missed a detail in the report. Could you update it?”
A healthy self-relationship inner conversation:
- Your inner dialogue:
- “It’s okay; I’m not perfect, and I can make mistakes, and that’s normal.”
- “This is an opportunity to grow and do better.”
- Your response:
“Thanks for catching that. I’ll update it right away. I appreciate your input!”
A toxic self-relationship inner conversation:
- Your Inner Dialogue:
- “They think I’m bad at my job.”
- “I always mess things up. I’m not good enough.”
- Your Response:
“Why are you pointing this out now? I worked so hard on it!” (Defensive tone, tension rises.)
Example 2: Partner brings up an issue
- Partner: “I feel like we haven’t spent much time together lately.”
A healthy self-relationship inner conversation:
- Your Inner Dialogue:
- “They’re sharing their feelings; it’s not an attack.”
- “I care about this relationship, so let’s figure this out together.”
- Your Response:
“I hear you. Things have been busy lately, but I’d love to spend more time with you. Let’s plan something this weekend.”
Toxic Self-Relationship Inner Conversation:
- Your Inner Dialogue:
- “They’re saying I’m not good enough as a partner.”
- “Why do I always let people down?”
- Your Response:
“Well, you know I’ve been busy. It’s not fair for you to blame me for this!” (Defensive tone, conflict escalates.)
The Takeaway
Your inner dialogue acts like a filter for external communication.
A healthy self-relationship brings clarity, understanding, and connection.
A toxic self-relationship brings defensiveness, misinterpretation, and conflict.
When you’re in a conversation, try to pause and tune in to the dialogue within. Ask yourself:
- Is this thought helping me or harming me?
- How can I respond to myself with compassion?
The relationship you nurture with yourself is the foundation for how you connect with the world. Listen carefully—it’s a conversation worth improving.
How do YOUR inner dialogues influence your communication?
Think about it.