Have you noticed that in every conversation with others, there’s also an inner talk happening at the same time?

This inner dialogue can either support or sabotage your external communication, depending on the state of your self-relationship.

Imagine this: You’re standing face-to-face with someone, words flowing back and forth. But in your mind, there’s a constant stream of thoughts influencing how you interpret, react, and respond.

Here are some examples—pay attention to see if you can relate to any of them.

Example 1: Receiving feedback at work

Colleague: “I noticed you missed a detail in the report. Could you update it?”

A healthy self-relationship inner conversation:

  • Your inner dialogue:
    • “It’s okay; I’m not perfect, and I can make mistakes, and that’s normal.”
    • “This is an opportunity to grow and do better.”
  • Your response:
    “Thanks for catching that. I’ll update it right away. I appreciate your input!”

A toxic self-relationship inner conversation:

  • Your Inner Dialogue:
    • “They think I’m bad at my job.”
    • “I always mess things up. I’m not good enough.”
  • Your Response:
    “Why are you pointing this out now? I worked so hard on it!” (Defensive tone, tension rises.)

Example 2: Partner brings up an issue

  • Partner: “I feel like we haven’t spent much time together lately.”

A healthy self-relationship inner conversation:

  • Your Inner Dialogue:
    • “They’re sharing their feelings; it’s not an attack.”
    • “I care about this relationship, so let’s figure this out together.”
  • Your Response:
    “I hear you. Things have been busy lately, but I’d love to spend more time with you. Let’s plan something this weekend.”

Toxic Self-Relationship Inner Conversation:

  • Your Inner Dialogue:
    • “They’re saying I’m not good enough as a partner.”
    • “Why do I always let people down?”
  • Your Response:
    “Well, you know I’ve been busy. It’s not fair for you to blame me for this!” (Defensive tone, conflict escalates.)

The Takeaway
Your inner dialogue acts like a filter for external communication.

A healthy self-relationship brings clarity, understanding, and connection.
A toxic self-relationship brings defensiveness, misinterpretation, and conflict.

When you’re in a conversation, try to pause and tune in to the dialogue within. Ask yourself:

  • Is this thought helping me or harming me?
  • How can I respond to myself with compassion?

The relationship you nurture with yourself is the foundation for how you connect with the world. Listen carefully—it’s a conversation worth improving.

How do YOUR inner dialogues influence your communication?

Think about it.